what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
