I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
