we have officially lost it.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
