Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
