Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
