are you still at the devil's house?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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