I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it was like eating out sand paper
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
