No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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