I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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