I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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