I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
