I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
