I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
