Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
