Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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