I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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