morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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