The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry about my life...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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