Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
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The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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