I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
