You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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