so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
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Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
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I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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