The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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