break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
