so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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