I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
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she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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