can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
