My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
