I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
