Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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