My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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