Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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