Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
