He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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