That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
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she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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