so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
