i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
