just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
