Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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