Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
