So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
