so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
