So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
