You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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