I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just found puke in my bra..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
