went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Drunk is not a location!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
