listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
