Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
