Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
