He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.