i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.