What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.