he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
