I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
