We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
