if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
