Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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