hotel room ftw
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
