youre lurking in front of me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
